Little Red Riding Hood
by ntamara
Summary: Remus asks Severus to check on Harry, as Albus is away, it is the night of the full moon, and Harry hasn't been answering any of his letters.
1. Author Notes, Disclaimer and Warnings

Title: Little Red Riding Hood  
  
Author: ntamara  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Pairing: AD/SS  
  
Genre: Humour/Parody/Horror  
  
Summary: Remus asks Severus to check on Harry, as Albus is away, it is the night of the full moon, and Harry hasn't been answering his letters.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, hardly anything of this is mine. They all belong to JKR, Warner Bros and probably lots of other people who all aren't me. Oh, and I'm not making any money out of this either. Unfortunately.  
  
Archive: adxss, ISF, ff.net, my livejournal and website  
  
Feedback: Praise and flames can be sent to naomitamara@yahoo.com or leave a comment on my lj (www.livejournal.com/users/ntamara). Feel free to praise me, feel free to flame me. I'm quite proud of this story (no, make that very proud *g*), and I'd love to hear what you think of it, good or bad.  
  
This story was written in an attempt to drabble. Diagonalist gave me the challenge: Severus lost in the woods, and this is what I came up with (three weeks and a little over 2500 words later).  
  
A/N: Thanks go out to my muse and beta Diagonalist, who suggested the snitch idea, and to the tireless Delphi, who helped clean up my English. Any and all remaining mistakes are my own. 


	2. Little Red Riding Hood

Once upon a time there was a Potions master named Severus Snape, commonly known among his students (but never to his face) as 'that sneering dark greasy git'. He was the Potions professor at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, and also the Head of Slytherin House.  
  
Summer was his favourite time of the year, because then he didn't have to teach those 'bothersome brats and dunderheads'. Instead, he could hole up in his dungeons and experiment with his precious potions to his heart's content. All things considered, summer holidays would have been perfect, if it weren't for two people. Although Severus considered it debatable whether either of them could properly be classified as a person.  
  
The first was You-Know-Who, the self-proclaimed Dark Lord, also known as Voldemort.  
  
As a young man, Severus had fallen in with 'the wrong crowd', for which he now had an extremely tacky tattoo and a life-threatening job as a double agent to show. Lord Voldemort had the annoying habit of summoning Severus right when he was in the middle of brewing an extremely tricky (and challenging) potion. And the sex wasn't any good either.  
  
However, for once it wasn't You-Know-Who who disturbed the Potions master this fine summer afternoon, but the other bane of Severus' life. Remus Lupin. Werewolf and ex-DADA professor.  
  
When they had been at school together, Lupin had nearly killed him (granted, he hadn't been in on the prank Black had pulled, but still... Anyway, the sex hadn't been anything to write home about either.) So when the werewolf returned to Hogwarts to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, Severus had returned the favour and accidentally revealed Lupin's little secret to his Slytherins. This had rid Severus of the werewolf's presence for a year, but when Voldemort returned and the Order of the Phoenix was resurrected, Severus was once again forced to socialize with the gentle werewolf. And ever since Black had fallen into shadow, Lupin now seemed intent on seeking Severus out at every opportunity he got; despite the fact that Severus had made it very clear he was not the one to comfort Lupin with his loss.  
  
On this particular evening, Severus had just given Lupin his potion, but instead of leaving right away, the man - and Severus used this term loosely - dawdled and delayed, eating into the time Severus had set aside for reading the latest Potions almanac (and writing the idiotic editors and contributors a number of scathing letters.)  
  
"I'm really worried about Harry. He hasn't answered any of my letters, and in the last one he sent, he said he hadn't been feeling too well."  
  
Potter. The third bane of Severus' pitiful existence.  
  
"Then check up on him for goodness sake!" And stop bothering me with this useless whingeing, wolf.  
  
Lupin glanced meaningfully at the empty cup of Wolfsbane on the bench, and then at the evening sky, which was just starting to turn dark.  
  
"Go bother Albus, then!" Or somebody who actually cares about the brat. "I'm sure he'll be happy to hear you go on about poor, precious Potter."  
  
"Albus is away, as you should know. And I really have a bad feeling about this. Something's off. Please, Severus."  
  
Realising he would have no peace until he gave in (and wanting to avoid any mention of any so-called 'wolf-sense', Severus grit his teeth and gave a curt nod.  
  
"Very well," he said, ushering the werewolf out of his workroom and then spell-locking the door behind him.  
  
"Thank you so much, Severus, I'm sure Albus will -"  
  
Severus waved away Lupin's gratitude and strode angrily through the corridors, black robes billowing around him, away from the werewolf's bothersome presence. He made his way out of the castle and over the grounds to the where the anti-apparition wards ended, muttering to himself all the while about absent headmasters, infuriatingly calm werewolves, and irritating, stuck-up, little primadonna Boys-Who-Lived. No sooner had he felt the telltale tingle of Hogwarts' wards, did he apparate to no. 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging.  
  
By now, dusk had nearly entirely given way to evening, and the first stars were appearing in the sky around the bloated, yellow moon. The street was empty, and light shone through the windows of nearly all of the identical little houses. Although Potter's home was conspicuously dark.  
  
Severus hesitated briefly, and then briskly walked up the neat and tidy drive to the immaculately painted front door. He knocked on the door and waited impatiently for someone to answer. When nobody came, he knocked more forcefully a second time. The door slowly and silently swung open beneath his fist. The hall was empty and dark, and for the first time Severus contemplated the disturbing notion that Lupin may have been right.  
  
Severus drew his wand and cautiously entered the house. Methodically, he began checking all the rooms. The first was what he suspected to be the living room. The lights were out, although there was a strange box showing a snowstorm or something like that situated in front of the couches. The laundry was empty, as was the kitchen. But here the table was decked for three, and a hearty dinner - now cold - lay out as if the house's occupants had only left for a stroll and would be back any second. No chairs were upset, and Severus gripped his wand tighter.  
  
After he'd made sure there was no sign of Potter downstairs, Severus carefully ventured up the staircase, trying not to make a noise, and pausing every time the wood beneath his feet ominously creaked.  
  
The first bedroom was obviously the master: a double bed with monstrous frilly covers and far too many pillows took up one wall, while a vanity and closet took up the other. The bed was neatly made, although that could do nothing to conceal the fact that one side of the bed had a large dent in it. The second bedroom was filled with all kind of Muggle devices that Severus did not recognize, but which looked expensive. About half of them appeared to be broken. The springs of the bed beneath the window had sagged so far they nearly touched the floor. The walls were covered with posters of a scantily clad girl called Kelly Brooks, if the lettering was any indication.  
  
Severus paused at the third door. Locks and bolts had been fastened to the outside, all of them open, and it was slightly ajar. Palms now sweating, Severus gave the door a small push, and it swung open on well-oiled hinges.  
  
The first thing he saw was a rickety old desk, some Muggle paperbacks with loose pages and broken spines nearly stacked to one side of it. Then he saw the window, and the thick bars in front of it. Finally a narrow bed, no more than a cot really, with thin and threadbare sheets, yellowed with age. The walls were bare, and the wallpaper was peeling. There was nobody in the room.  
  
Passing a hand over his face, Severus looked around and wondered what to do next. The boy was obviously gone, as was his family - Merlin knew what had happened. He'd have to notify Albus, the Order -  
  
A soft whispering sound made Severus stop, and he quickly looked around for its source, but it was gone. And there it was again! Severus closed his eyes and concentrated. After a moment he could clearly hear the strange humming noise, vaguely familiar but for the moment unrecognizable.  
  
Night had now definitely fallen, and the house was dark except for the moonlight streaming through the barred window. Severus quietly cast Lumos on his wand, and then carefully followed the noise out of the bedroom, through the hall and then down the stairs again. He stopped every other step to listen and track the sound. Standing in the entry hall he saw that there was a faint light coming from beneath the door to the cupboard under the stairs.  
  
He recognized the sound now: the soft fluttering of tiny wings that would be silent for a moment, and then start again. There was a padlock on this door as well, and it too was open. Severus took a deep breath, and then grasped the handle and opened the door, stepping back and levelling his wand at the cupboard's occupant in one smooth motion.  
  
Sitting on an old and battered mattress, his back against the wall, was Harry Potter. A snitch zoomed through the confines of the small cupboard and Potter's eyes tracked its movements before he effortlessly snatched it out of the air with snake-like reflexes.  
  
"Potter," Severus said, his voice a hoarse whisper. "What red eyes you have."  
  
"All the better to sssee you with, Ssseverusss," the boy hissed, and he focused that blood red gaze on the Potions master as he released the snitch. The little golden ball promptly flew out of the cupboard, quickly disappearing within the empty and dark house. Neither wizard paid it any heed.  
  
Severus licked his lips nervously.  
  
"Potter. Why are you speaking in Parseltongue?"  
  
A lazy grin appeared on Potter's face, showing off his white teeth.  
  
"What better way to address the Head of Slytherin House?"  
  
As he spoke, the boy slowly drew a wand from the recesses of his baggy clothing. 13 1/2", yew.  
  
Severus' throat was parch dry, and he could hear the blood rushing in his ears as he tried to stop his wand hand from shaking, keeping it trained on the boy's chest.  
  
"Potter, what a big wand you have."  
  
"All the better to curse your traitorous hide with - Crucio!"  
  
Only reflexes honed over a lifetime of paranoia and malicious pranks enabled Severus to throw himself out of curse's path, and he scrambled to get away from Potter as the Dark Lord sprang from the small cupboard like a particularly evil jack-in-the-box. Another dark hex singed the doorframe as Severus darted out and ran as fast as he could to the edge of the property and through the wards that should have prevented this from ever happening. Behind him, Severus could hear Voldemort shouting curse after curse at his back, and he did his best to dodge them. Damn that boy for not trying harder at Occlumency!  
  
As he ran down the street Severus concentrated, trying to ignore the evil Dark Lord on his tail, and attempted to apparate the hell out of there. But a blast of Cruciatus hit him in the back, and he fell to the ground, writhing in pain, biting his lips in a vain attempt not to scream. He was vaguely aware of Potter/Voldemort laughing, standing above his thrashing body with sadistic glee as he cast dark hex after dark hex.  
  
So. This was it. This was the end. And just when Severus was convinced he was finally going to die, aware that he was begging his former master for death, the pain abruptly stopped.  
  
Severus gasped for breath, swallowing away the blood in his mouth. Teary- eyed, he managed to lift his head far enough to see Potter glaring at his rescuer in pure hatred. Somebody knelt on the ground beside him, and a gentle hand rested Severus' shoulder. Still shaky from the bout of Cruciatus, Severus turned his head to look into a pair of bright blue eyes. Albus. Severus had never been happier to see the headmaster.  
  
Albus stood tall in splendid blue robes that contrasted wonderfully with his silver-white hair and beard as he brandished his wand. His light blue eyes flashed with power as they returned to look at Voldemort.  
  
"Here to sssave your Ssslytherin lapdog again, Dumbledore?" Voldemort spat derisively, warily eyeing the headmaster's every move.  
  
"Release the boy, Riddle," Albus spoke, as he took Severus' hand and helped the Potions master unsteadily to his feet.  
  
"Don't call me that!" Voldemort shouted in rage, adolescent voice breaking, and Albus took advantage of the Dark Lord's distraction to cast Expelliarmus, disarming the possessed Potter.  
  
He then muttered a spell in a language Severus did not recognize, although he could feel the dark magic as it sped toward Potter. The boy dropped to the street, screaming and thrashing in agony, strange shapes moving and twisting, bubbling beneath his skin.  
  
Severus watched the son of one of his childhood enemies writhe in pain with a faint sense of satisfaction and disbelief that Albus would actually hurt his precious Potter. Only after the boy's voice had gone hoarse with screaming and anxious faces had long since appeared in the windows on Privet Drive, Albus lifted the spell, and red eyes stared defiantly at the headmaster.  
  
"You wouldn't really harm Harry Potter," he rasped, but there was uncertainty in his voice.  
  
"Release the boy," Albus simply repeated, and when Voldemort opened his mouth to retort, the headmaster just cast the spell a second time.  
  
Potter screamed out in agony again, writhing on the street, clawing at the ground as blood dripped from his lips and started to trickle out of his nose, eyes and ears. His back arched in a most unnatural curve, bending backwards until only the heels of his feet and his shoulders touched the ground. Then, slowly, a red mist drifted from his open, gasping mouth as bloody tear tracks painted his cheeks. The red mist formed into the shape of a skull, a snake for its tongue, and Voldemort hissed 'I'll be back', before Albus dispelled the ghastly apparition with a decisive wave of his wand.  
  
Potter slumped, boneless, to the street, and around them Severus heard the distinct sound of the Ministry's Aurors apparating in, after the fact as always.  
  
"Severus, are you all right?"  
  
He looked aside into the headmaster's worried eyes in surprise, and suddenly became aware that Albus was still holding his arm. Confused, he glanced back at Potter, who was now being levitated away by Shacklebolt and Tonks. Why wasn't Albus looking after his Golden Boy?"  
  
"Potter -" he croaked, his voice raspy from screaming.  
  
"Don't worry about Harry. They'll take him to Poppy, and she'll make sure he's just fine. And hopefully this little episode will teach him to take his Occlumency lessons more seriously." Albus gave Severus a meaningful look and the Potions master knew he would not be able to escape teaching the brat again.  
  
His dismay at this warred with the confusion at the fact Albus was agreeing with him that Potter hadn't tried hard enough, and Albus' smile and warm hand on his arm only served to distract him even more. When he tried to half-heartedly pull away, Albus just tightened his hold on Severus.  
  
"Voldemort knows I'm a spy..." he couldn't help remarking, reminding Albus that he was no longer able to do what they had long ago agreed he would do in exchange for safety from the Aurors and Azkaban.  
  
Again the headmaster only smiled and pulled Severus entirely into his arms, ignoring the Aurors around them who were busily obliviating everybody on the block.  
  
"I'm glad. Because I'm not letting him have you anymore. You're all mine now."  
  
With that, he pressed his lips to Severus', and as they passionately kissed, he portkeyed the both of them directly to his tower rooms at Hogwarts.  
  
*~*  
  
In sixth year Potter took his Occlumency lessons more seriously and was soon able to block Voldemort's attacks on his mind.  
  
At the end of his seventh year he finally managed to kill Voldemort, with the help of Potions master Snape and headmaster Dumbledore.  
  
This time Voldemort stayed dead.  
  
Harry Potter became star Seeker for England, winning them the world cup twice. However, after an unfortunate flying accident, he was forced into an early retirement. He now assists Remus Lupin in teaching DADA at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. Depending on whether or not you are a Harry/Remus 'shipper, they are or are not in a loving relationship.  
  
Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger got married, and had lots of bushy, red- haired children.  
  
Albus and Severus shagged each other happily ever after.  
  
The End 


End file.
